Vampires Suck isn’t just bad, it is surely a portent of looming Armageddon. That the greatest art form of the twentieth century and beyond has been debased to this is nothing short of depressing. This Twilight parody may not be the worst of the series produced by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer but it is surely another nail in the coffin.
My only comfort is that the screening I attended was dominated by stony silence. There wasn’t a chortle or even a titter and it’s hardly surprising. The “comedy” here can be split into three strands; painfully obvious Twilight lampoons (isn’t Bella miserable? Is it really necessary for Jacob to be half naked all the time?), random acts of slapstick violence and pop-cultural references. The former presumes that the audience of Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse have remained completely oblivious to the absurdity of it all. Since I heard more laughter at screenings of the real thing I can confidently say this isn’t the case.
Meanwhile, the latter two tactics feel so random that they verge on the surreal. Clearly misunderstanding the mechanics of comedy, the writers seem to think that any joke can be finished by throwing in the name of a some reality TV stars; the Kardashians, The Jersey Shore, who cares if it makes no sense?!
Despite the fact that the producers have obviously gone to pains to get the look of the film right (and they do), Vampires Suck has a hopelessly low view of the intellect of its audience. Considering that it comes from the stable who have already profitably brought Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans into the world, maybe they’re right. It’s a sad state of affairs.