The mantra of mainstream movies at the moment seems to be "Maximise your audience." It’s the reason that Taken 2 made voluntary cuts to receive a 12A rating and why the latest Die Hard instalment reached this side of the Atlantic as a tame 15A – Yippee ki yay melon farmer! In this context, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters is a bit of an anomaly. This is a Grimm fairytale turned into an action adventure where F-bombs abound, blood spurts with wild abandon and there is unnecessary buttock flashing. The effect is startling and unexpected but not really in a good way.
We meet Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and his sister Gretel (Gemma Arterton) as young children, taken into the forest and abandoned by their father. Lost, they seek refuge in a delicious candy house owned by (you probably know this part already) a witch. When the witch meets a fiery end, the pair discover they have a talent for violence and embark on a lifelong career as witch hunting mercenaries. Their career takes them to a small village where many children have been abducted by formidable witch Muriel (Famke Janssen). As the feast of the Blood Moon comes closer, they must discover and foil Muriel’s evil plans.
Hansel & Gretel comes in at a lean 88 minutes and barrels along at great speed; as such, it doesn’t outstay its welcome and doesn’t take itself too seriously. Complaining about the lack of depth and character development would be utterly pointless but there are some pertinent criticisms to be flung. First, the title characters. Arterton and Renner are both great actors given the right material but both of them seem a little uncomfortable here. While they both look fab behind a crossbow, they aren’t compelling as heroes. The action sequences meanwhile are sub-par, blending martial arts and heavy weaponry in a way Buffy the Vampire Slayer did a hell of a lot better ten years ago. It all gets visually messy, a situation not helped by the murky 3D.
I doubt anyone was really expecting a masterpiece from Hansel & Gretel but it’s far from dreadful. If you feel like switching off your brain and chuckling at some preposterous blood splatter then you could do worse.