In general I’m in favour of the shorter feature film. Over the past few years I’ve sat through a lot of bum-numbing epics that would have benefited from a harsh edit (Cameron and Tarantino I’m scowling in your direction) but seeing that Jonah Hex weighs in at an anaemic 81 minutes (including credits) was cause for concern rather than jubilation. Victim of a troubled production and an almighty critical panning in the States, this latest release from the bottom of DC Comics’ worryingly deep barrel is indeed a terrible mess that can’t even manage to fill the running time without resorting to flashbacks and incomprehensible dream sequences.
It begins with a short animated origins sequence in which we learn that Hex (Josh Brolin) is an embittered bounty hunter roaming the new American union following the murder of his wife and son. The megalomaniac responsible is Quentin Turnbull (John Malkovich), who along with a bunch of defectors is planning on dismantling the fledgling nation. To add an extra bit of supernatural spice, Hex can talk to the dead. And at one stage a live raven flies out of his mouth during an Indian ceremony…God only knows why.
In short; I was confused. Confused and bored, which comfortingly, was a state I saw reflected back at me from the eyes of the actors on screen; eyes that displayed the sad realisation that contrary to what their agent told them, this was not going to be the new Batman… They all try their best of course but have precious little to work with. In her supporting role, Megan Fox is required merely to convincingly fill a corset while the usually excellent Michael Fassbender is called upon to leap around hyperactively as a psychotic Irish thug. John Malkovich chose to leave his considerable charisma at home for the occasion. Meanwhile, thanks to some rather unfortunate prosthetics, Josh Brolin delivers his lines like a man having an argument with his own face – muffled, incomprehensible but definitely bad-tempered.
I’m not an expert on comics and graphic novels by any means; maybe Jonah Hex on the page is a work of art with characters you can care about, a consistent tone and an engrossing storyline but this does not manifest itself on the big screen. Instead, thanks to the hack-job the film has clearly received, Jonah Hex is a failure on every count. Avoid.