There are a lot of really brilliant movies that are made for children. Then there are the ones that seem specifically designed to torture parents everywhere. My own mother has never quite gotten over the hour and a half she had to spend watching My Little Pony: The Movie back in 1986. And so for today’s parents, we have things like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows, a film made for 12 year olds, seemingly by 12 year olds (director Dave Green and producer Michael “Explosions” Bay).
The first film saw the four turtle siblings meeting and defeating their nemesis Shredder, so of course for the sequel Shredder has to escape custody and think up another fiendish plan for world domination. This time he is joined by his own mutant colleagues, Be Bop (Gary Anthony Williams) and Rock Steady (Stephen Farrelly aka wrestler Sheamus) as well as Krang, another favourite from the cartoon series. The Turtles meanwhile are dealing with their own personal issues, as it turns out that being a hero isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be. They are joined once again by Megan Fox and Will Arnett.
Just like the first installment, Out of the Shadows is a strangely upsetting mix of big dumb action and insidious creepiness. The action parts are bombastic enough to keep a young audience entertained and the voice performances from the four turtles are exuberant and wise-cracking enough to be similarly distracting. For a more grown up audience however, this potential for dumb fun is overridden by the fact that the turtles themselves are really unpleasant to look at – they present a damp green uncanny valley for the viewer. Add to that the traditional Michael Bay leeriness (at one stage Megan Fox is required to wear a schoolgirl outfit for no good reason) and the overall effect just feels plain wrong.
Nevertheless, as I type this, Out of the Shadows has just knocked the X-Men: Apocalypse off the US box office number one slot, meaning that there is a significant audience out there for these movies. As for those adults who are being dragged along by their pre-pubescent offspring, well they are just following in a time honoured, if unpleasant tradition.